I love my little monkeys, but I often wonder why I was blessed with two of them and no girls. Maybe it’s because I am a tomboy at heart, or maybe it’s because I have always got on better with boys, or maybe it’s just because I think farts are funny…?
I remember reading in Raising Boys, by Steve Biddulph, that boys get a testosterone boost at age 4 which triggers boyishness and activity, and that it slowly depletes until they hit puberty. It has helped me to understand why my boys have mood swings, generally want to argue about who is in charge and enjoy a bit of a scuffle. Luckily, my boys are 5 and 6 now and so things have calmed down a wee bit. However, they still lash out at each-other sometimes, are attracted to anything with moving parts, and enjoy any sport that involves hurling themselves at each other.
I’m the kind of mum that does enjoy a good wrestling match, and before I did my shoulder in, I was happy to grab them and throw them onto the couch. I’ve had them climbing on my back, hanging around my neck and swinging off my legs. It has taken it’s toll on my body though, and now they are at school I have had to say enough is enough. I’m fed up with coughing up hundreds of dollars on physios, osteopaths and massage therapists. I’ve had a twisted pelvis, locked-up hips, repetitive strain and a couple of shoulder injuries in the last 3 years. It’s only now that I can rotate both of my arms, and I am not in pain, that I realise how my body is supposed to feel when it is working properly!
This summer we bought the boys a trampoline and it’s really been the best investment. They wrestle on there, jump, climb, run and play ninjas, and this means they are not injuring me or wrecking my furniture anymore!
I thought it would be fun to make a list of what makes boys…. well er boys, why they are so exhausting and also why we love them!!
1. They can’t sit still. Agghhh. I can’t even have a cup of tea without someone trying to climb on my back, leaning on me, throwing things at me, standing on my toe, or tripping into me. The jumping up and down, the falling and rolling on the floor, the wriggling, the tapping, the banging, the singing, the shouting. Man. They seem to have endless amounts of energy. I’ve been accidentally headbutted more times than I can count.
2. They love balls. The throwing and kicking starts as soon as they can pick things up. Everything would get chucked about, just to see if it would bounce most of the time. I remember the toddler years when a toy train was hurled at my face, hit my nose and my glasses broke in two. At least they only throw cushions and balls now.
3. They are always playing with their willies. My boys think their willies are hilarious! They can twist them, squash them into things, stretch them, pour water into them, attach them to bath taps and pull them in-between their legs to change sex. The giggling is uncontrollable and every new babysitter we have ever had has always been treated to a willy dance as an initiation.
4. They love being naked. My kids get naked after dinner most nights and prance about. They really enjoy headstands while stretching their butt cheeks apart. Mooning me when I am distracted or at the cat always gets them into fits of giggles.
5. They pee on the floor. Agggh. This one gets me so friggin mad. For about 2 years they would run into the bathroom, miss the toilet and pee all over the floor and the toilet seat everyday. If the TV was on and they needed a wee, they would race in, piss all over the place while holding the tv remote and then rush back. I’d put stickers in the toilet bowl, I’d tell them to sit down, I’d take the TV remote off them and pause the TV. I’d ban the TV. I’d even get them to clean it up with toilet paper etc. I’m soooo glad they don’t rush and miss anymore.
6. They aren’t afraid to pee in public. My boys used to just whip their willies out whenever they needed to go. If we were out at the park they would just whip down their undies and start peeing, at kindy or the beach…. They’ve now started pissing off the side of the trampoline to see who can make the biggest arc.
7. They are naturally competitive. It starts in the car with my two, just before we’ve arrived home. Who’s going to get through the door first, who gets the first cuddle with the cat, who is going to get the TV remote, who is the first to wash their hands for dinner etc. I often get shoved out the way, tripped up and usually someone gets hurt or punched on the way. I’m permanently trying to diffuse the tension, redirect, or slow them down. If I don’t then I end up getting hurried along with it. Before I know it, I am going at a million miles an hour and I’m caught up in the next lot of mayhem… and I still haven’t had time to go for a pee!
8. They are always hungry. Or hangry! The competitiveness increases when they are hungry. OMG. I have to get the food into them just because it is the only way to get them through the anger and out the other side. They eat more than me already!
9. They love burping and farting. They could push out farts before they could talk. My youngest son had the comedy timing nailed before he was two. They tell toilet jokes all day and it never stops being funny. This actually meant potty training for number two’s was really easy, as they enjoyed making their own sound effects and thought going for a poo was one big joke.
10. They love fighting games, guns and weapons. This one is weird. I have deliberately never bought them a toy gun, yet they have made them out of toilet rolls, play-dough, and sticks. My husband doesn’t keep a gun and they have no exposure to anything violent, yet they make up their own games and enjoy being spies, warriors, superheroes and ninjas.
11. They love getting messy. Playing in the mud, eating sand, making mud pies, jumping in puddles, skidding down banks on their bums, digging holes. We’ve done lots of painting, made goo and slime. If it’s disgusting they love it. I don’t love the washing though!
It’s a love-hate relationship sometimes! I love my boys, and luckily I am not a really girly-girl. but I do pity those mums that are though. It can’t be easy when boys are such apes!